Number one question of moms right?
When we were close to getting to post a few positions came available, one being full-time and I really wanted to take the job. Thinking about it now, I couldn't even tell anyone what the job was that I was so desperate to take. I really just wanted a way to avoid having to deal with a huge culture shock and lack of friends.
Which brings me to my lack of friends, and one of the last job openings at the Embassy. If you know me, you know I have a really hard time breaking out of my shell and just talking to people, so being stuck at home with the girls attempting no-school preschool with Maggie while I try to keep the baby entertained and only having a maibahn around is pretty lacking in the adult conversation department. Lately I've also noticed that there seems to be some what of an insiders group with the spouses who do work. I like the other spouses around and can pretty much find something to talk to them about, but I often feel totally left out. I'm not in on the gossip, I'm left out of impromtue lunch dates and I'm not one of the girls. I don't blame anyone but myself for that, I could try harder to be around, but lets face it, having nonschool aged kids makes it pretty hard to just call someone up and ask to do coffee or lunch; or maybe I'm still out of the loop and have failed because I don't have a gabillion people around my house to take care of everything for me. I'm still very much unable to let go of being the person to take care of everything around the house. Anyway, I feel like if I applied for the last open job, I'd be more likely to be in the inner circle of people at the Embassy, if I don't apply the job I could A: be stuck at home with little adult ineraction or B: have to work much harder at finding people I get along with.
After living the working mom/ stay at home mom lives, I would for sure choose stay at home mom while my kids are little. It's my time to shape them and I don't want someone who lets my kid get away with everything raising them. Side story, I did go to lunch today with some spouses from the Embassy and I came home to find that Maggie had gone in my room tore it up, painted herself with deodarant and nailpolish and also our living room rug...I may not keep a close eye on her, but she knows if I'm home that will not be happeneing.
In the end I feel I've hit a brick wall, I like the people that work at the Embassy and would like to be more included, but I would also like MY girls to be raised to my standards, since Finn has done a pretty awesome job so far. I think in the end, I will give up the job prospects keep looking into school options and keep caring for my girls, while Finn is at preschool.
Sounds like you've decided, right? So that's good. It's hard to let go of the road not taken, but, in the end, you DO have to pick a road. And when you look back on things, whichever choice you make, you'll probably think you made the right one.
ReplyDeleteOr are you hoping someone will hop on here and say something magic that will make you lean the other way?
It sounds like you've decided and that your decision is being true to you. Get out there with the kids as and where you can and you will meet other moms because your kids start to play together. Remember, you aren't only limited to Embassy families for friendships!
ReplyDeleteyou're doing an awesome job -- Finn is the best reference anyone could have! I agree with Liza -- you'll decide in the end that you made the decision that was right for you.
ReplyDeleteYup, my real decision is made. Now to make the most of it and get out there. I do attend a Tuesday morning expat playgroup, but have failed to try to make a connection with any of the parents, my fault really. Just have a hard time breaking through my shyness.
ReplyDeleteYou're wonderful and I love you. xx
ReplyDeleteI think you're awesome. It's a hard choice and a hard balance the work/mom thing. Keep doing what feels right. You'll make friends along the way, too. Sometimes it just takes more time. Cheering for you from afar!
ReplyDelete